Gotta Love Laffy Taffy Humor! (And Sarcastic Blog Titles.)

I LOVE LAFFY TAFFY.  Seriously, it's #1 on the list of my favorite foods.  But there is one thing about it that I would like to complain about, and that would be the jokes.  Who doesn't love jokes?  That's the only reason why kids eat laffy taffy and popsicles uncontrollably; to hear the jokes.  But it's almost as if laffy taffy jokes aren't even worth reading.  Most of the time when I read one to a bunch of people, nobody laughs. 

I'm not trying to crush the dreams of a little 8 year old who submits their jokes to laffy taffy by telling them that they are terribly uncreative.  I'm just trying to say that they have a long way to go before they can be a comedian.  Maybe they can publish their own joke book instead, since obviously that doesn't take much these days. 

I would like to share some of these jokes with you, and maybe you will see things the way I do. 

1) How can you tell if there's a hippo in your oven?  The oven door won't close.

2)What time was it when the elephant sat on the chair?  Time to get a new chair. 

3) Why did they bury the battery?  Because it was dead.

4) Why won't lobsters share?  Because they are shellfish.

5) Why did the ghost float across the road?  Because he couldn't walk. 

Usually my first thought when I read some of these is, "....What? How is this funny?  Why is this even considered a joke?"  I honestly don't understand.  Maybe no one else even cares about laffy taffy jokes.  After all, you buy laffy taffy to eat it, not to get a laugh out of it.  Even if you did buy laffy taffy to get a laugh out of it, you'd be completely wasting your money.  But  it's always nice to eat good candy AND read a good joke.  And right now, all we're gettin is the good candy. 
   

I Wish I Had a Time Machine....

On the way home from soccer, someone on the bus started singing, "I like to eat, eat, eat, apples and bananas!" (I am going to take this time and point out that I did NOT get a good seat on the bus, because Mr. Dykstra wouldn't let me leave 5 minutes early from class.)  It reminded me of my childhood, so that is what I decided to blog about.  More specifically, I'll be blogging about games I played in school as a child.

#1-Simon Says.
Let me start off by saying that I was not very good at this game.  Let's say for example the leader said, "Hop on one foot."  I was a little kid who had a ton of energy; how am I supposed to resist the urge to hop on one foot?!  I'm curious as to who Simon is, and why the game is called Simon Says.  I don't think I knew anyone named Simon back in the day, but if I had, I wonder if I would've done anything he told me to do.

#2-Red Light Green Light.
So like I said about Simon Says, I'm a kid with energy, and they expect me to just be able to freeze in place after running full speed.  I mean, come on.  I always got lucky though; sometimes the leader person wouldn't see me still moving.  But needless to say, I wasn't the best at that game either.

#3-Dirty Backyard.
I don't know if any of you have heard of this, but we used to play it at Hoover all the time.  It was my favorite!  Although when I look back on it I don't really know why.  Basically all we did was throw random crap in the air over a "fence." (Which was really just mats standing up.)  But hey, isn't that what kids like doing these days? 

I could go on and on about childhood games, but then I'd feel like an overachiever.  I loved elementarty school; those were the good days.  Not saying that these days aren't good, but you know what I mean.  Now if only I had a time machine...

Hate List.

Okay, first of all I want you to know that this hate list of mine has nothing to do with people.  If those were your first thoughts, I am sorry for getting a bad impression of me in your mind.  Anyway, one of my friends in study hall decided one day that they were going to start a list of things they hate, for lack of nothing better to do.  She showed it to some of us during talk time, and since a couple of us didn't have anything better to do either, we decided to start one also.  But since hate is a very strong word and makes me sound like a mean person, I am now going to start calling it my "list of things I strongly dislike."

Now I shall share my list, because I know you're curious as to what is on there...
But I will not share all of it, since it's already 5 1/2 pages, and there's no way I'm typing all of that. 

Things I strongly dislike:
1) Not being able to sleep on a bus because everytime it goes over a bump my head bangs against the window.
2) When kids let go of their balloons and start crying.
3) When the dentist hands me a toothbrush and doesn't let me choose what color I want.
4) When the animals at petco are hiding inside their little caves or whatever you prefer to call them. 
5) When I go to a zoo and there are no polar bears.
6) When I throw a water balloon at someone and it doesn't pop.
7) The fact that birdsalls is a wanna-be tropical sno.   
8) Fast food breakfast.
9) Really boring videos that teachers think are "educational."
10) Not being able to live in Antarctica.
11) Peanut butter & banana sandwiches.
12) Amusement parks with a bunch of kiddie rides. 
13) When people walking in front of me in the hallway just randomly stop.

And that is only 13 out of 101...

  

Blogging is Hazardous to Our Health

I don't know about you, but I have had enough blogging, and I'm ready to give it up.  Unfortunately, if I did that, my grade in composition wouldn't look so good.  So I have come up with a way to persuade Mr. Dykstra into not making us blog.  Before I start, I would like you all to know that this plan will never work, and I am aware of that.  If it DID happen to work, this would be how I would get us all off the hook: by explaining to Mr. Dykstra that blogging is hazardous to our health.  I can back this up with 3 legit (or not so legit) reasons. 

You are probably all aware that teenagers love to procrastinate, and they are very good at it.  I know I am, because I wait until 10:30 every Sunday night to write my blog.  I will admit that is partially our own fault, but Mr. Dykstra could still cut us some slack, even though we all know he would NEVER do that.  But anyway, I have a point to make.  I would guess that about half of Mr. Dykstra's composition students are up late on Sunday nights writing their blog, which means they are not getting enough sleep.  Sleep is good, sleep deprivation is bad.  It's HAZARDOUS. 

Blogging requires sitting at a computer staring at a screen until you are done blogging, which for me, can take hours because I get distracted easily.  Sitting at the computer is bad for your health in many ways.  Most people, when sitting at a computer, are in a slouchy position.  Having bad posture can affect a person's whole body.  Looking at the computer screen for too long can cause eye strain, which can lead to blurred vision and headaches.  I'd say this seems pretty HAZARDOUS.

It often takes me a very long time to come up with a subject to blog about.  Do any of you have the same problem?  I'm guessing at least some of you do.  Well all this thinking leaves me with mental stress, and I feel as if all the intelligence in my brain is drained out.  (Ok, maybe that's a little exaggerated.)  So then every monday at school, my brain doesn't function properly, and I can't focus.  You'd think Mr. Dykstra would want me (and you, if you have this same problem) to be able to do my best in school, and be able to focus on what we're doing in his class.  If he keeps making us blog, I won't be able to learn in his class.  My grade will drop, which; according to my mom anyway, would be HAZARDOUS.

Point proven?  Mr. Dykstra won't think so, but at least I can say I tried. 

   

 



         

I Can't Think Of a Legit Title

For this particular blog, I was just gonna put a picture with a caption that says, "A picture is worth 1,000 words."  I thought it was a good idea.  I mean, why would I type out 300 words when I can just copy and paste an awesome picture that is worth 1,000?  Unfortunately, Mr. Dykstra did not like this idea,  so now I need to find something to write about.  This could take a while...

It's 20 minutes later, and I finally have something I would like to say.  I hate how the weather has been bipolar in the last few weeks.  Once it stops snowing and gets to 55 degrees, it can't just snow again!  It feels like we're stuck in winter FOREVER.

I just thought of something really random.  Wouldn't it be totally legit if we had walk-in lockers at school, like the size of a bedroom?  We could just chill inside our lockers whenever we wanted to.  It would be like NARNIA!  So no matter how long we're in there, the time at school won't change.  I think it'd be legit.  I could ask my teacher to sign my planner to go to the bathroom, and then I could go play Just Dance 2 in my locker for hours.  And maybe lounge on my bean bag chair and eat ice cream. 

I hate it when our remote doesn't work, and then I have to listen to my dad hitting it against something to get it to work.  I always thought hitting something damaged it, not fixed it. 

I love Sunday nights.  What better thing is there to do than to read people's blogs and comment on them?  Then stay up til 2 a.m. doing homework that I was too lazy to do the night before?  HOW FUN!  Isn't sarcasm wonderful?   

IS THIS BLOG 300 WORDS YET?!

Oh hey, it is.  Sorry for yelling.   



 

Petco & Sharpies.

Why is my title so random?  Well folks, my life happens to be pretty random.  Sorry if you don't like being referred to as a "folk."  What is a folk anyway?  Oh wait, nobody cares.  I don't think it's necessary to write my whole blog about the reason for my title. 

On Friday I hung out with some friends.  What did we do? We went to papas.  I got chicken alfredo and clam chowder soup, which I highly recommend.  While we were eating, someone got on the subject of Petco and how we should go there and look at the animals.  One of my other friends somehow thought this was a good idea, so when we were done eating we ended up at Petco.  Probably not the best choice of a hangout spot, but oh well.  Like I said, my life is random; unless you don't consider that random. 

When we got to Petco, we decided to look at the cats.  We tried petting them, which probably wasn't a good idea since one tried attacking us.  What is Petco thinking?  Nobody is going to buy their cats if they're vicious.  Instead people should buy their fish.  Why?  They're colorful.  That's the number one reason.  Also, they're cheap, which brings me to my next thought.  If I were a fish, I would feel very worthless being priced at two dollars.  It's just not fair! 

Next, we looked at reptiles and amphibians.  We decided to skip the birds, because well, they're not that fascinating.  If we liked birds that much, we would be birdwatchers.  But anyway, back to reptiles and amphibians.  I hate how most of the animals always hide in their little caves or whatever.  If I were to buy one of these animals (which is highly unlikely, except for hermit crabs), I would want to see what they look like first. 

At this point in our Petco adventure, I could tell the employees were getting mad at us.  They kept eyeing us and asking us if we needed anything.  So one of my friends carried around a tennis ball so they'd think we were buying something. (And she did actually end up buying it)  While we were by the dog toys, we looked at the squeaky toys.  Apparently they're just as entertaining for humans as they are for dogs. 

Next stop? Hamsters.  There, I saw the coolest thing ever: an albino hamster.  It even had red eyes!  Maybe it's not the coolest thing ever, but it's still cool.  I love seeing them run on the wheels.  But it gets me thinking, why are hamsters the only animals that get to run on wheels?  There were mice next to the hamsters, so we decided to look at those.  They were only two dollars.  They're just as worthless as fish.  I texted my mom and asked her if I could get one.  Sadly, she said no.  But it's ok, I was just kidding when I texted her.  Finally, we looked at the ginuea pigs.  They were so cute!  I'm pretty sure the employees were happy to see us leave. 

Well this blog is well over 300 words, but I feel the need to add one more thing.  Today, I was writing with a sharpie, and it happened to smell like frosting. 

THE END.      

Just Dance 2.

Just Dance 2 is one of the best Christmas presents I have ever recieved.  That probably sounds really lame, but oh well.  I've played it so many times; I have all the dance moves to every song memorized.  Did I mention there are 44 songs?  You'd think I'd be tired of the game by now.  I mean, what's the fun in dancing to the same songs over and over?  Well I happen to find it very entertaining, especially with a large group of people.   

There has been multiple times when my friends and I have played Just Dance 2 for four hours straight.  It's a blast.  And forget about modesty, I am the ULTIMATE CHAMPION!  Ok, maybe I've been beat a couple times, but only a couple.  Anyway, this game is so much fun with a lot of people.  It's pretty hilarious to watch people dance, or at least try to dance.  The only downside to it is you have to be careful not to hit or run into people when everyone's dancing.  When you get sucked into the game, it's hard to pay attention to your surroundings. 

When you first play this game, you might think, "What the heck am I doing?!"  In other words, the dance moves are freakishly weird.  Nobody actually dances like that.  But you see, that's what makes it fun!  Who doesn't like to embarrass themselves at times?  And watching other people doing stupid dance moves? Hilarious.   

Just Dance 2 is clearly one of the best games ever.  Why would anyone want to sit on a couch playing video games in which they kill zombies or whatever, when they can get up and dance?!  I don't understand; someone please give me a legit reason. 

I've been to microsoft word about ten times now, hoping that my blog would finally be 300 words.  Well it wasn't at 300 until this little paragraph.  So just to let you know, I'm not trying to say pointless stuff, I'm just trying to get to 300 words.  It's past 300 now, so it's all good.  I have successfully wrote five sentences in a row, all with 300 in them.